Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A blessing

So, for the past few weeks I have been wanting to post, but I couldn't.  I could not post without sharing the AMAZING news I found out 3 weeks ago, so I waited.  Here is what happened;

I have been doing so well with my eating.  I've been keeping track of my calories and doing my best to eat healthier.  I'm not a big veggie fan and lately fruit doesn't really do it for me either, but I'm trying.  So, without going into too much detail and grossing you all out, one day I woke up and realized "Um...I might be pregnant!".  So, I waited a few days and then bought a test.  Instantly it turned positive.  And when I saw that positve sign, I just started giggling.  Let me back up a minute here. 
Ever since I was younger I have always wanted 2 boys and then 1 girl.  I am the oldest in my family and always dreamed of having older brothers.  You all know I have been blessed by 2 amazing little boys.  Gah, they are the bestest.  They are sweet, kind, loving, funny, and a complete joy to those around them.  I had preeclampsia with my 2nd son and was put on hospital bedrest at 31 weeks.  It was an incredibly emotional and scary time for my little family, but thankfully Owen was born healthy at 34 weeks.  He was just teeny tiny, as in 4 lbs tiny.  My husband and I decided that we were happy with our boys and probably shouldn't push having another since I have a higher chance of getting preeclampsia again.  However, in the back of my mind the desire to have one more child has been nagging at me.  Fast forward 4 years....

Here I sit, 7.5 weeks pregnant, feeling incredibly blessed and completely freaked out.  For multiple reasons.  1) I am terrified of getting sick again and having a preemie.  2) I feel like we are starting over.  Aidan will be almost 7 and Owen almost 5 when this baby is born.  However, I realize they will be fantastic little helpers!  3) as with most additions to a family I stress about where we will find the room for this baby, how we will afford this baby, etc.  And lastly, I worry about becoming obsessed with my weight and diving back into overeating/purging.  After all, the past times I've gone through that was after my 2 previous pregnancies.  

Yesterday I had the honor of actually getting to see my little raspberry sized baby via ultrasound.  It was just a quick one to make sure there was only 1 baby (there is) and to make sure the heart was beating.  Unfortunately I was unable to get any pics of the baby right now.  The ultrasound made me cry.  Seeing this amazing gift God created growing inside me was just incredible.  When I saw the little heart just a beating away I immediately thanked God.  What a miracle!

So, here is what I have decided.  I will track what I eat and do my best to eat as healthy as I can and continue to exercise.  Hopefully this will prevent me from having high blood pressure and preeclampsia again, as well as keep me from gaining too much weight this time around.  However, I am pregnant.  I need to gain weight.  I'm not overweight, so I really need to gain and I need to remind myself that I'm supposed to.  I want to enjoy this pregnancy and give this baby everything I can, but it scares me so much.  I want to keep myself in check, however still enjoying this pregnancy.  If you could all pray for me and this baby, then I would greatly appreciate it.

We are so excited and thankful!  Only time will tell what is going to happen and when this baby will actually be born, but I know with your support I can get through this.  I will continue to do my best to blog on here and keep you all updated.  Thank you so much for your support!