Saturday, October 6, 2012

Getting back on track

So, it's been FOREVER since my last update.  A lot has happened.  I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl back in July.  She is absolutely perfect and I feel like our family is complete.  Not that my hubby and my boys were not enough, I just always knew in the back of my mind that we would end up having a 3rd child.  And now, I just have to say that I really do feel like we are a finished family now. It's funny how I was missing my baby girl before she was ever even conceived, does that make sense?  Check out this gorgeous baby...I mean seriously, she is PERFECT!

Anyway, so now I have this post baby body....again.  I struggled the last two times I had a post baby body and this time around is proving to be no different.  My baby girl is almost 3 months old and I"m at my lowest weight postpartum that I've ever been this soon after birth, however I'm struggling.  I have been tracking what I eat via since week 4 postpartum.  I'm trying not to put so much emphasis on my weight.  After all, I know I'm not a number on the scale, and yet here I am worrying about that stupid number.  I also know 5 other women who had their babies within a month of me and I'm having trouble not comparing myself to them.  I have noticed in the past two weeks I've been over eating again.  Not necessarily over eating as much as complete binge eating.  I have not purged (thank goodness) but I know if I keep going down this road, it won't be long.  And I definitely do not want to go there again.  

I'm writing this post to keep myself accountable and honest.  I don't want anyone to think I'm needing attention, b/c I don't, but if I don't share my struggle I will end up in that dark hole once again and that is a place I do not want to go.  Honestly, right now I'm on the edge, balancing on one leg.  I was really hoping that this wouldn't be a struggle this time around.  I guess it is what it is and I need to face it head on, but I need your help.  Please pray for me.  Pray that I accept myself again first and foremost.  That it he most important part of all this.  That I stop being so hard on my looks/body and remember that I am God's creation and he loves me no matter what.  Secondly, pray that I gain control of my eating, especially before it gets to where I have to purge.  Thank you all again for your support and prayers.

On a side note, I have been asked to present a class at my church's annual Women's Day of Renewal in March.  I will be talking to a group of ladies that choose my class about my eating disorder.  Please pray for me about that as well. :)  

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Six Months Pregnant and moving forward!

So, I'm 6 months pregnant now with my sweet baby girl.  I have gained 17 pounds, which sounds like a lot, but compared to my two previous pregnancies, I'm doing well.  I always said if I got pregnant again I would eat better, work out more and take better care of myself.  I'm doing the best I can.  I am eating MUCH better than I did with my boys.  I have made it my goal to eat at least 4 servings of fruits/veggies combined and so far I've done fairly well.  I realize 4 servings is nowhere near what I should be eating of those, but trust me, this is HUGE for me.  I'm not working out as much as I want, but I'm trying.  I wanted to continue running, but with morning sickness and other issues, I haven't been able to.  I am really looking forward to running again after baby girl arrives though, I miss it so much! 

Right now at this point I am feeling really good about myself.  With my boys I got big EVERYWHERE and with this pregnancy I've expanded a bit, but mostly just have a huge ball out in front.  So, I'm enjoying that and just doing the best I can to take care of myself and baby girl.  My blood pressure has been good and there are no signs of preeclampsia as of right now.  I have reached the 24 week mark, which means if we would have to deliver her soon she would have a good chance of survival (with lots of machine and NICU help).  I certainly don't want to have her this early, but I can relax a bit more knowing she at least will have a chance.  My goal is to make it to 36 weeks, and hopefully have no extra hospital time for either of us.  But, who knows what will happen.  Preeclampsia set in with my last son around week 29 and I had no other symptoms before that.  So, I will continue to pray and just go with the flow, because I can't do anything else!

Thank you all for your encouragement and prayers.  I am still a bit worried about losing the weight after I have her, because that is where I got myself into trouble with my previous pregnancies.  But I know that this time around will be different because I have support from friends and family.  Until next time....

24 Weeks pregnant!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

What is the media's problem?!

First, an update.  So, I'm 22.5 weeks pregnant now.  :)  Over halfway there.  My belly is growing, as well as other places I won't mention.  I'm doing well, baby GIRL (that's right, *buys all the pink because I can*) is doing great and we're trucking along.  I feel her kicking, squirming, pushing and prodding everyday.  It's such an amazing feeling and I am so blessed and thankful that I get this opportunity o feel a LIFE growing inside me.  I won't lie.  I have been freaking out a bit about the 15 lbs I have gained so far and am already worried about the "after" part when I have no baby in my belly, just the extra weight.  But, right now I am focusing on what a little miracle our sweet baby girl is and enjoying this pregnancy and reminding myself that I'm going to gain weight, and it's okay!  Here I am at 22.5 weeks pregnant...

Now you have the update on to my rant.  Today I saw something that really got me fuming.  Via twitter, I saw this link  It is the magazine cover of Jessica Simpson, posing nude while 7 or 8 months pregnant.  There is a cardboard sign over the picture saying, Do not Remove.  
*deep breath* I am really hoping this blog comes across the way I want it to and not as some hormonal pregnant woman ranting.... here goes;

Here is my problem with that.  Why in the world are my husband, my boys, and myself subjected to pictures of girls running around in barely there bikinis everywhere we turn, or barely fuzzed out pictures of private areas via magazines, commercials, books, etc, yet THIS is the magazine they decide to cover up?  I realize she is nude (tho all you see is side breast), which come on, I have seen (not intentionally) a lot of celebrity side breast or crack just in the store or on the beach, or wherever I go, but that is never covered. 

I am not saying women should/shouldn't pose nude on any covers, at anytime, that is their choice, not mine.  However, I try to desperately to keep my boys attention elsewhere while we are in line at the store.  I just feel like they chose to cover this up because she is not some skinny minnie size 0 model showing off her "goods".  I mean come on, who wants to see a pregnant lady posing in the nude?  Gross... (right? I mean it appears as though that is what they are trying to get across).  Instead of "Look at this amazing woman who is growing another human being inside of her, isn't she beautiful?!".  No, it's apparently shameful for Jessica Simpson to want to show off her gorgeous pregnant body.  And wait a minute, I know she is not the first celebrity to do this...where were all the cardboard cover ups then?  I remember being 6 or 7 years old and seeing Demi Moore's pregnant naked body on a magazine cover in my local grocery store, and um, it wasn't covered up by anything, but was right there in front of the check out lane.  

I just cannot stand the double standard.  So, apparently it's okay to show off your naked body as long as people can find you attractive, but not okay if you're pregnant or even over weight?  *Screams*  I don't speak out about this too often, but this is it.  Seriously.  I have my own issues with my own body image (as most of you already know), and this kind of stuff doesn't help me at all, especially since I'm pregnant right now!  I have days where I love my pregnant body, and days where I want to cry, but you know what, I think that's normal.  I'm choosing to focus on this incredible baby inside me, whom I cannot wait to meet, and just being as healthy as I can.  And if Jessica Simpson wants to eat a freaking buttered pop tart, then she can have a buttered pop tart!  Leave the girl alone!  And not that she would ever read this, but I just wanted to say- Jessica Simpson, I think you look absolutely gorgeous and I am so proud of you for stepping out and being proud of your pregnant body.  And for embracing the fact that you are not just a size 2 with a basketball for a belly (and that's fine, too!), but that you are pregnant, and yes you've gained weight, but you are SUPPOSED to!  Gah, why are we always hearing about how much weight a celebrity gained during their pregnancy and how quickly they lost it after losing the baby.  I sincerely hope the media leaves her alone and lets her enjoy the rest of her pregnancy and allows her to enjoy this precious new life God has given to her!  

Here are a couple more links to sites that are just being ridiculous.  Just because a woman only gains 25 lbs during pregnancy, doesn't mean she's being healthy! Come on people...and when did people become so concerned about how much weight celebrities gain during pregnancy? 

Hopefully that all came across as I wanted it to.  Bottom line, if you're going to cover up one magazine cover, at least cover THEM ALL!!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

2nd Trimester

Well, here I am. 13 1/2 weeks pregnant now.  I have been sick.  I was not sick with my first pregnancy, sick for a few weeks with my second, and now I've been sick for 2 months straight with this one.  I am nauseous constantly.  It's not fun.  Worth it, but not fun.  When I first found out I was pregnant I set out to be healthy by working out consistently and eating healthy.  Um...yeah, that hasn't happened.  Nothing sounds good to eat, so I end up eating whatever sounds good, whether that's a salad or a Jimmy John's sandwich.  I haven't gained a whole lot of weight so far, about 4 pounds, but boy do I ever look like I've gained weight.  I guess the third time around you just get bigger faster.  By 8 weeks I could not wear my regular pants anymore, so I became very close with my yoga pants. ;)  This is upsetting me more than I thought it would.  I had imagined myself being tiny this time around (something I wasn't with my 2 previous pregnancies) and that is just not happening.  So, I've been a bit down about it.  I'm trying to stay up beat and remind myself that there is a tiny human growing inside me (I mean....whoa) and just keep telling myself I will gain weight.  I have been having a hard time with comparing myself to others because I have a few friends who are all due around the same time as me and they are so tiny.  This is something I just cannot allow myself to do.  I need to put a stop this time immediately because comparing myself to others is only going to lead me down a path I don't want to go down.  

I'm hoping to start feeling better soon, meaning that I can get out and exercise and eat a little bit better and in turn feel better about myself.  I just do not want to end up overeating/purging after this baby comes.  My goal is just to be as healthy as I can and stick with it.  I will not give up, I will not go back to bad habits and if I end up being a size or two bigger after this baby I need to be okay with that.  After all, my size/weight is NOT what matters!  This beautiful amazing life that God has given me is what matters and I want to do everything in my power to treat it as so (my life and my children's lives).  So, here goes!  

Here is a picture of me at 12.5 weeks pregnant.  I'm getting pretty round.