So, it's been FOREVER since my last update. A lot has happened. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl back in July. She is absolutely perfect and I feel like our family is complete. Not that my hubby and my boys were not enough, I just always knew in the back of my mind that we would end up having a 3rd child. And now, I just have to say that I really do feel like we are a finished family now. It's funny how I was missing my baby girl before she was ever even conceived, does that make sense? Check out this gorgeous baby...I mean seriously, she is PERFECT!
Anyway, so now I have this post baby body....again. I struggled the last two times I had a post baby body and this time around is proving to be no different. My baby girl is almost 3 months old and I"m at my lowest weight postpartum that I've ever been this soon after birth, however I'm struggling. I have been tracking what I eat via MyFitnessPal.com since week 4 postpartum. I'm trying not to put so much emphasis on my weight. After all, I know I'm not a number on the scale, and yet here I am worrying about that stupid number. I also know 5 other women who had their babies within a month of me and I'm having trouble not comparing myself to them. I have noticed in the past two weeks I've been over eating again. Not necessarily over eating as much as complete binge eating. I have not purged (thank goodness) but I know if I keep going down this road, it won't be long. And I definitely do not want to go there again.
I'm writing this post to keep myself accountable and honest. I don't want anyone to think I'm needing attention, b/c I don't, but if I don't share my struggle I will end up in that dark hole once again and that is a place I do not want to go. Honestly, right now I'm on the edge, balancing on one leg. I was really hoping that this wouldn't be a struggle this time around. I guess it is what it is and I need to face it head on, but I need your help. Please pray for me. Pray that I accept myself again first and foremost. That it he most important part of all this. That I stop being so hard on my looks/body and remember that I am God's creation and he loves me no matter what. Secondly, pray that I gain control of my eating, especially before it gets to where I have to purge. Thank you all again for your support and prayers.
On a side note, I have been asked to present a class at my church's annual Women's Day of Renewal in March. I will be talking to a group of ladies that choose my class about my eating disorder. Please pray for me about that as well. :)