Saturday, October 6, 2012

Getting back on track

So, it's been FOREVER since my last update.  A lot has happened.  I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl back in July.  She is absolutely perfect and I feel like our family is complete.  Not that my hubby and my boys were not enough, I just always knew in the back of my mind that we would end up having a 3rd child.  And now, I just have to say that I really do feel like we are a finished family now. It's funny how I was missing my baby girl before she was ever even conceived, does that make sense?  Check out this gorgeous baby...I mean seriously, she is PERFECT!

Anyway, so now I have this post baby body....again.  I struggled the last two times I had a post baby body and this time around is proving to be no different.  My baby girl is almost 3 months old and I"m at my lowest weight postpartum that I've ever been this soon after birth, however I'm struggling.  I have been tracking what I eat via since week 4 postpartum.  I'm trying not to put so much emphasis on my weight.  After all, I know I'm not a number on the scale, and yet here I am worrying about that stupid number.  I also know 5 other women who had their babies within a month of me and I'm having trouble not comparing myself to them.  I have noticed in the past two weeks I've been over eating again.  Not necessarily over eating as much as complete binge eating.  I have not purged (thank goodness) but I know if I keep going down this road, it won't be long.  And I definitely do not want to go there again.  

I'm writing this post to keep myself accountable and honest.  I don't want anyone to think I'm needing attention, b/c I don't, but if I don't share my struggle I will end up in that dark hole once again and that is a place I do not want to go.  Honestly, right now I'm on the edge, balancing on one leg.  I was really hoping that this wouldn't be a struggle this time around.  I guess it is what it is and I need to face it head on, but I need your help.  Please pray for me.  Pray that I accept myself again first and foremost.  That it he most important part of all this.  That I stop being so hard on my looks/body and remember that I am God's creation and he loves me no matter what.  Secondly, pray that I gain control of my eating, especially before it gets to where I have to purge.  Thank you all again for your support and prayers.

On a side note, I have been asked to present a class at my church's annual Women's Day of Renewal in March.  I will be talking to a group of ladies that choose my class about my eating disorder.  Please pray for me about that as well. :)